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I’ve been absent…

I’ve been busy. By busy I mean busy in the hospital. It was frustrating being in one place for three weeks. Being limited, unable to do things myself. Feeling like a experiment. Having a
Fever of unknown origin. It sucks.

They still don’t know what is causing the fevers. But it might deal with autoimmune. Fingers crossed.

I’m just one individual. That is searching for the imperfect love I think everyone deserves. 
Neon Trees New song Sleeping with a Friend brought back lots  of memories.
Lazy Lover, that’s his name. Well to whoever reads this, he’s him. And no! Not physically sleeping with a friend but lying next to, side by side, talking about life. Mistakes. How we’ll get to our next chapter, maybe meeting new people will be good? We pondered in that thought since our second break up.
That first love, that feels like it will never end. After breaking up and making up more then once. Actually throughout our high school career we fell back into each others arms. But we both knew it wouldn’t be long till we had to split again. We remain friends. Friends that still feel for each other. Other problems still stand in the way. Family issues, trust issues. We’re afraid so much we stopped thinking about what or who we’re afraid of.
We talked for days, sometimes the silence seemed good enough. Though countless times we fell four each other again it was friends that said to stay away for my own good. He’s bad news they said. But I thought he was harmless! He’s our friend. He knew I still loved him at the time. But for my assuming and endless guessing, it’s still just a guess.
You could say there were signs if you believe in that sort of thing. That there were some sort of works that made the stars line with us. I’ll tell you more when I can..

Though love can be an untamed lioness, love seemed worth it at the time. It would be the end of the world if it wasn’t. But that’s what we all think.

That’s high school.

I fell in love once, sometimes twice. What the hell, many  more than that. I cannot fathom that love has become harder to find and lust is so easily given. Makes me sick to my stomach that love has been long forgotten.
Though I have  yet never given up on love, I thought love might as well have given up on me.
Love, it drowns me. Past indiscretions haunt me, future indiscretions excite almost anyone.
“I can’t and won’t be alone forever” I remind myself,
I distinctly go through my personal pep talk that I won’t be the woman with 14 cats.
Yes I tend to date to see what’s out there for me. Doesn’t make someone any less of a person. We aren’t committed. Just finding ourselves. Our likes and dislikes sharing with another.
But my mother’s right. It’s nobodies business.
This one relationship was probably the best relationship I’ve ever had, except my heart wasn’t all in it. Let’s call him Mr perfect. Well educated, perfect man, well mannered, mature, not as outgoing  as myself but still very kind and thinks of others before himself.
I kept thinking what’s wrong with me?! He’s perfect for me! My family loves him, but I don’t…
Some things we do take interests in but still very opposite opinions. Of course he’s not the  first guy I’ve dated but in a while..he was the serious one I thought about for my future. It didn’t work out. I’m younger I tell myself. But I tried convincing myself he was good for me. Which he was! Just not Mr. RIGHT for me..
But I continue to squirm and try to deepen my feelings for this guy but it somehow doesn’t work.
We keep in contact and stay close friend  but never will reach full potential.
Talk to you tomorrow for the next episode
P.s. sneak peak its about Mr Sweet Talker.

I’m back and oh boys and girls I have a story for you! Coming @ you with the latest love stories and heartbreaks

2013 ended where it hurt-
Last year gave a lot of heart break. Ups and downs, though I can’t always say the other person’s side. it’s hard to understand their story especially when you’re the one they’re fighting with. So I will bring these stories to you in episodes. Sad, crying, angry, heart breaks. The rich stuff. To warn you these stories were observed and experienced.
Through my eyes. Some of my poems might b  published on here as well,so I hope you enjoy thus blog. -Lorr


my advice for exs and exs that want good terms with their exs. It sometimes, almost never, maybe always doesnt work being in a BFF or great friendship whatever they want to call it. Ii have these good friends.
These friends are amazing hanging out with each other. it brings me back to freshmen year. We were all tight and bonded. They were a couple and I had the privilage of knowing them before and after the break up. Sure people have arguements sometimes wanna bash each other in the head but at the end of the day, we just want to be in that persons arms once more. They could be the last thing on our mind before we go to sleep but the first thing we think about in the morning is why we fought in the first place.
Dramas, friends, arent they perfect for each other.

sometimes decision need to be made and these choices should be black or white. Looking at a problem in shades of grey may help the details but the problem is a yes or no answer. I just think from my opinion relationships are tough. Not for everybody and sacrifices should be made when committed. A person cant only think of themselves. If so they need to get out of that relationship and date them self. If they arent material to be marrying them why are you in a relationship in the first place?

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